Phew...it's been a LONG day. I got up this morning at 4 (thanks pregnancy insomnia) and finally got out of bed around 5 to get my much anticipated trip off to a start. I was so happy that things were finally under way-a week spent in the heat of the desert near a river-couldn't make me happier. My thoughts were that the trip would go easy--in San Diego by 12:45, get my rental car by 1:30, lunch with my Aunt Lisa, cousin Liz and her little girl Juliet, then off to the river by around 7 or 8. Hm...it's 6:30 and I'm STILL in San Diego. Guess there's other plans in store for me.
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The thing is, I think it started yesterday. I was talking to a good friend of mine, in the middle of our sewing session (much appreciated day off at home!) about how I LOVE my husband, but for whatever reason, I've always had huge reservations about 'needing' him. I've told him before that I want him in my life, but I don't necessarily NEED him. I think it's a psychological thing, I don't 'need' anyone, but I love having people in my life whom I enjoy their company and genuinely love them, but I don't need anyone. So I was talking to my friend about this-how I feel like he needs me more-so than I need him; which, doesn't bother me at all, and doesn't make it weird for me. OOPS. Kicking myself now.
Flash forward about 20 hours and I can't get ahold of the hubby because he's camping. Phone? Off. Everyone else's phones? Off. No way to get ahold of him or anyone with him. So in the middle of a rental car crisis I couldn't talk to him. The one person who knows how to calm me down even in the middle of a melt down (which I must say has been one of my first real 'pregnancy meltdowns'...) Sitting in the rental car office, trying to get ahold of someone who could help me back at home (THANKS MOM, for all your help!!) and not going absolutely crazy was not easy. Luckily, I have lots of family in the area that can help and within about two hours I was with my cousin, aunt and 'niece.' As I sat there, thinking about how I thought I lost my bags at the airport, how I couldn't rent this car, and how I didn't really have anywhere to go for the time being, it dawned on me--and in the middle of all my praying--I NEED my husband.
And, I'm ok with that. I need my husband to take car of the car rental. I need him to help me when I'm feeling like things are going crazy. I need him. plain. and. simple. Is it hard to admit? Yes. Oh, for sure. But God knows what I need. And, maybe, just maybe, I needed this reality check before this sweet baby joins the world. I'm surely going to need Paul during these crazy next few years. I need to let go of my pride and know that sometimes we do NEED people. And we need to trust God that everyone in our lives is there for a reason.
*Sidenote: While I was writing this, I got a phone call from my mother in law. She said to me, "Well, maybe there is a reason you didn't get that car today. Maybe someone was protecting you from that five hour drive all by yourself..." Yes, I believe you're right Mama Wolterman, you are SO right.
