Yesterday I made homemade cough syrup. And almond milk. I also made Paul's favorite casserole dinner. I soaked seeds and nuts. I started 2 gallons of kombucha because apparently my toddler is as obsessed as I am. I put those soaked nuts in the dehydrator to make crispy nuts/seeds for my seasoned but/seed mix. We we t to pick up raw milk and walked 2 miles with friends.
Today, I seasoned and toasted those nuts and seeds. Took J and my friend's 1 year old to Newberg Indoor Park. Made date cocoa energy balls. Soaked more nuts/seeds for almond milk and any nut mix. Picked up the house and both kids napped (not at the same time but for a good chunk of time).
When I write all that out, I think "Why the hell do I feel like I don't do enough?"
Why do I have this nagging feeling that despite that I'm providing my family with good food and a healthy lifestyle, I don't do enough?
Is it the dishes on the counter? The unmade bed? The trash that needs to be taken out? The boxes waiting to be packed and the looming move?
What gives?
I think about housewives in the 60's and the pressure they must have felt. To look perfect and do everything perfect. If my grandmother could do it, why can't I? Am I missing something?
This whole topic makes me want to vomit. I am a fairly confident person but when it comes to keeping my house I feel lost and out of sorts. Like I can't line my priorities up with what is wanted/expected of me.
Maybe it was the all night coughing fits J had last night and a husband who seemed inconvenienced by the situation. Maybe it that we are trying to buy a house and there is 'no timeline' for when the bank will make a decision (short sales are anything but short). Maybe its the apartment we have to throw our money away to while we just wait for this house. Maybe it's that my cycle is looming and I'm just a grump. Maybe it's the crappy weather today. Or, maybe it's just everything. ;)
Bahhhhh.
Much love.
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