::honesty::

By: Brianna on 4:02 PM

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It's time for a post about truths. Straight up truths. Some crappy. Some happy. But, just truths.

~Having a newborn is hard. It's not all cute outfits and sleeping babies. Where are the newborn pictures of new babies that are sleeping while mama is haggard looking and chugging the coffee to keep up with her toddler wearing the same pajamas she wore yesterday (and the night before and night before that)?

~Having women in our life that go above and beyond to support my family and myself is so amazing; I'll never have the words or means to thank them.

~Breast feeding can be really really REALLY shitty. Why do moms that breast feed feel so proud? Because a lot of times it sucks. It's heart breaking. It hurts. And you have no control. None. So when you come out on the other side with a nursling and both your breasts intact, it feels like a goddamn accomplishment. And sometimes, a miracle.

~Having a 2.5 year old love on his new brother is adorably sweet. There are far cuter, more adorable, things.

~Having a 2.5 year old and newborn sucks. It's hard. It's challenging. My house looks like a tornado came through and left crumbles of chips/egg/bread/crackers/whatever THAT is, on every inch of our carpet and in our beds.

~Having permission to just hate this time is priceless. It's not squishy newborn and cuddling on the couch. I love my kids but this time is HARD.  (I feel like someone just needs to say this "publicly.")

~ Having a safe place to say these things is worth...worth more than I know what to compare it to. Judge me if you'd like, but honestly, very few people tell you how hard it is. How you should probably just hire a live-in nanny and expect things to just suck for awhile.

~Having a husband that is there for me through it all has no comparison, either. Through the emotional up and downs of pregnancy and birth, to his steadfast support when it comes to breast feeding and raising our boys gently. That man deserves a case of his favorite beer and steak for dinner every night.

~Tandem nursing isn't all "Sweet big brother holds hands with newborn as they nurse happily." It's hard. And there's crying involved. And being needed all day long. It's sad and it's happy. I love it and I hate it. But, mostly, I like it.

~It's ok to daydream about trips to Mexico, or running away with your newborn to Breitenbush. It's ok to dream the day away while you survive. It's ok to just be surviving. And for sneaking in that chocolate bar when your toddler isn't looking.

I don't remember much about this time with Jack either. I expect it to be similar. I kind of mourn that "having a newborn is so awesome; we just cuddle and nurse; look at my squishy newborn gaining weight; I'm not struggling everyday to not lose my shit on everyone at any given moment" feeling. I'll never have it, and that's hard. I think I'll always have some sad feelings about this time in baby-ness.

Please know that if you are struggling with Postpartum Depression, there are so many women that can relate. Seek the help you need. It takes a village to help each other. <3 p="">